Virgil slowly lifts his head of the bed. His tiny bedroom shrinks with grandchildren wedged in too. His breath whistles as hev looks over the lot from 6 to 24 in age. His eyes barely make out the faces. They search for something else.
“I need to see Daisy May. Damn it! Can’t one of ya doing something but watch me die…” His head goes back down and his blank eyes close.
“Mama? Grandma’s name wasn’t Daisy May.. Who’s talking about?” Susie the littlest one turns her does eyes to a frazzled forty something.
“That’s his damn old truck. He spent more time with it than all us kids put together.” Lana dots her eyes with tissue. Her left hand rubs Susie’s head. “He’s just mean in someways. Old people get that way. They hurt.”
” Damn it Lana! I bought her with a dollar an hour wages. Drive her so you kids….” Virgil flops up like a horror movie prop. His breathing changes to a ballon losing air. “Just want… to see her… once..mo”
“Open the drawer. Let him look at his old truck again….. It’s right there in night stand.” Lana darts her finger in the direction.
The eyes never open again.
Written as part of a challenge called Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers for details, https://flashfictionforaspiringwriters.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/fffaw-challenge-week-of-february-7-2017/
Coloring Outside the Lines 
The fun part is how others see it. 😉
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I guess above all he loved that truck if it was the last thing he wanted to see. Didn’t seem like he cared much about all his grandchildren or children, his real legacy sadly.
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My mind it was more symbolic. The truck was a lifetime relationship without any strings or complications. We animate things for certain reasons and we may not even know the why
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You’re right. I never thought of it that way.
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dying man’s wish not granted – will he come back to haunt driving that truck? liked the use of dialogue that really made each character so easily recognisable – imagined even.
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It’s a strained relationship. I don’t see him as vengeful to haunt her in the truck. The feelings have already haunted her for a long time. I really like when dialogue can carry everything well. I was really locked in once it started. Thank you for the kind words
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I wasn’t really thinking haunt in a vengeful way – but the truck was something he was so attached to – an earthly possession he would come back to and finish his sentence – loved your dialogue style immensely – now if I can do something like that! thank you for your thoughts.
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I fall into dialogue. if I try it fails. I actually did three or four stories of nothing but dialogue when I first started. It helped get a feel for it.
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i prefer to write just a narrative and find it hard to give each individual their own voice -they all end up sounding like me!! But I am trying, baby steps. Maybe I can handle like 2 people in a story – that’s about it at this stage. I think i do try too hard – that’s a good tip – fall into it!
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learning is little more than figuring out how not to fail. practice imperfection enough something good will sneak through
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wise words – appreciate the honest truth
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🙂
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Interesting and different – I felt that I was there in the room.
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Thank you very much. I was hoping to get a nice conflict going here. This is a future toy to play with a bit.
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If I was to talk about another woman I would chose my dying bed as well 😀 Its sad that his kids felt that he spent too much time with his truck but they are there at his death bed which is pretty neat. You found a nut here 😉
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I had a rift between Father and daughter with the truck. The picture is left in the drawer and she doesn’t get it for him until too late. I’m thinking on more here
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Go for it!!
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I could picture the scene Mark. I felt both sympathetic for him and also sad for his children. Nice work.
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Thank you very much. 😀 Divided feelings between them is awesome to deliver. It is an interesting scene to play with. So many variables
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Oh my gosh! He wanted to die looking at his old truck! How sad!! Great story, Mark!
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There are things we hang on to. It may not have been the last thing he wanted to see, but ending up that way. Thank you my dear. 🙂
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Great piece!
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Thank you darling! It spoke to me of a great love story, but we didn’t have a word count for all that. ☺
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You’re welcome! 🙂
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Oh, wow. With his dying breath, he spoke of his beloved truck. At least it wasn’t another woman. That would’ve been harder to explain o.O
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Now there’s a thought.. Another women on the last breath, how that leaves thing in a different direction. You can’t explain after you’re gone. thanks for the kind words. We animate all kinds of things to be equal to the people around us
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Mmm, can’t fault him for his love. And can’t fault the loves “left behind” for their reaction. I enjoyed feeling out the different perspectives that can be taken.
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The human mind crafts such different reactions from the same circumstances. I actually changed this a bit and was curious to who draws the strongest reaction.
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Well, I’d say you made a great choice with that
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A blind squirrel funds a nut every once in awhile
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XD You have quotes for days! (a good thing, btw)
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😉
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I’ve heard it said you can only have one great love. In this case, he chose his truck over his family.
Oh, I couldn’t find a “Like” button for the story. You might not have that feature enabled.
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Never mind about the like button. It became visible after I posted my comment.
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WordPress does have a glitch here and there.
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I’ll take a look. Thanks for the comment and heads up. Broken families everywhere. The regret of not getting enough attention versus keeping everything you can as long as you can to provide for others
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