Finish #18 – Reliving the Past

Part of a challenge of finishing a line, couple sentences or paragraph from https://authorsbmazing.wordpress.com/2015/06/10/finish-it-18/

His heart was heavy. He had to find the right words to let her know. It would be a shock for her and he wasn’t sure how she would handle the news. Why? He had asked himself that question thousands of times over the last thirty minutes. Why? Somehow there had to be an answer for it. If only he could come up with one before he had to tell her… After the doctor visit he will.

The beginning.   The panic attacks.   His stomach twisted into knots.   The pain would get worse as he struggled to convince himself “panic doesn’t attack… slow breath, slow breath”.. coughing.   The knot confines his lungs.   Intestines creaking up into knot.  Breath is gone.   Breath is beating as fast as it can not to be caught up too.

Dr Frankel, physical psychologist, 204B.  The door has confronted him for three minutes.   “My appointment is at 2.  They take lunch at 1.  So I bet it’s locked.  I’m early.   This was a mistake.   Yes, I’ll just turn and go..” The door opens magically before him.

“At four minutes, I’m supposed to open the door.  Because in five minutes, you’ll be in your car on way home.  Mr Rose?  Please come in.  Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Please fill out top three and medical release on page 4.  Any questions, I’m right over there behind the window.” Evette the whirlwind has him seated and is on to next task at hand.

“Oh Libby won’t like this.  I’m going to get better. Doc advertises remove what blocks you from living a normal life.  Today, Sheila can’t touch me anymore.   Bad memories, gone.   Normal life. I don’t think it’ll work.   Pills, more pills. He gives me pills… I’ll leave.   I’ll get up and leave. … panic does attack.  Oh God. . Name. .I hate forms.”

Ten minutes later.   Evette retrieves Michael and his forms.   The office in back is wide open.   Small glass rooms.  Glass block dividers with fronts of glass colored pale blue, green, yellow and orange.  “Now, pick your room. Color helps relax you.   Music will come on after you sit down.  Doctor will be right there.” The voice almost sings.

Yellow.   Bright happy yellow room.   The music is really upbeat.  Almost too perky. The room is bare but a couple Lucite chairs.  A small device with device with some wires sits next to him.  On opposite glass block hangs a sunset.   Two shadows break up the scene as if they are looking at it.

“Michael Rose, yes?” The tall thin, way too thin man looks at him.   Behind wire rim glasses, a studious man gazes at Michael.   Time stands still.

After an uncomfortable pause, Michael starts “I’m here to get rid of bad memories.   Like it never happened.   You says you can do that, please.  Is that right doc?”

“We have a great rate of reducing these memories.   The anxiety is what we try to eliminate.   You can think your way past obstacles, when anxiety is gone.   No pills.   We scan your brain.   Trigger you thoughts that cause the biggest problem.   And stimulate the areas of your brain correcting them.  Simple, not much pain.  Maybe a headache.   A couple times maybe, you’ll be a new man.   Michael, life well be good again. Promise.”

The doctor lifts a mesh copper helmet.  Placing his hand inside, you can see the lovely detail.  A web that shimmers and sparkles in the light.  “I’m going to place this over your head.  If your comfortable, we ask questions. Discuss the first event that caused your condition.   When your think about it being up every emotion associated with it.   That’s what we focus on.   You give me lost car keys and your trigger is traffic. . It doesn’t work.  Are we ok with this? ”

His mind jumps. Are we ok?  Are we really fucking clear about I’m nuts? I’m never ok. .. oh god. . Here it comes.   “Doc.. just. … get it started please. … I’m getting breathing. .. You know. ”

The helmet is slipped over his head.  The blood vessels appear around his temples, hands, and arms.   Sweat is everywhere.   The labored shallow breathing kicks in.

“Michael tell me.   What happened?”

“It’s Libby.   She has ruined my life.  She hit into my past. All of it. Every women, is she better than me, prettier than me, more fun then me.  Every friend, are they who you tell things to,  why not me instead.   Do you love me? Did you every love me?”

“You’re doing fine.   I’ll have this taken care of rather quickly.  You can relax or if you want to continue please do.   I’m here to listen to everything.   Total cure, Michael.  That’s what I do.”

“No doc.  Just fix me.”

The doctor pulls out a pen with two wires.  He hands Michael a copper disc. “Now,  You hold that on the side of your head here.   I’m going to touch your head over here.   The path of electricity will stimulate the cerebellum.   Taking with it part of the memories and most of the triggers.   In a few short minutes, you’ll be on your way. ”

Michael sinks into the chair. Colors in his mind flash.  Warm feelings come and go.

“Now tell me about Libby.” Dr Frankel asks.

“Who?  I’m not sure I know a .. Libby?”

She’s going to be so mad at him.

4 thoughts on “Finish #18 – Reliving the Past

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